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When “Yes” is not my favorite answer

May 19, 2010

“Did he just drop the F-bomb?”

He being my two-year-old child, the F-bomb being explosive with *#?!, and the answer being Yes.

Funny, he’s always had trouble with the “ck” sound before. But he’s really too young to know that poor enunciation is critical when using profanity in conversation with one’s parents.

For the first day, we were in denial. I mean, in Jackspeak,  “Grandpa” comes out sounding like “Topol,” avocado is a two-syllable word, and “swim” is unrecognizable to anyone but me. On the other hand, there is no mistaking his “Sawzall,” and his “thank you” is perfectly clear. So is his first curse, which he can put into context but, thankfully, not into a sentence. I’d like to put it into a tightly wrapped little box and return to his days as an “Oh Maaaan!” man.

Because his “fuck!” is really unbecoming. On us.

We stood around, no one pointing an accusatory finger but each shrugging, baffled. The tense provided some clues (in my mother’s vocab, the occasional use of the verb in question usually sports the -ing ending of a participle). My youngest sisters keep it clean – we all do, most of the time; my father keeps to himself; my husband keeps it quiet and calm. So who does that leave? Pardon me, but-

Oh. Fuck.

Can I really be held responsible for what I may say HARDLY EVER when driving, hammering, falling, lagging or forgetting?

Oh. Yes.

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19 Comments leave one →
  1. May 19, 2010 10:40 am

    Was it well timed? That would impressive 🙂
    Somehow, they always know what they shouldn’t be saying, even early on, and it’s so very hard not to giggle..

  2. May 19, 2010 10:43 am

    Oops! I am sure it was also a little funny… but at the same time you are like, oh fuck. I really wish Jack hadn’t picked up that word.

  3. May 19, 2010 1:08 pm

    I guess this is a normal stage, right? I haven’t faced it yet, so I don’t know what to tell you. Luckily, I’m pretty good at avoiding it around my kids, but there are many occasions when it comes out before I can help it (a lot of times under my breath). My son is pretty verbose, so I’m expecting this will happen any time soon….

  4. May 19, 2010 2:00 pm

    I cursed so much when I was younger that I thought I had used up my quotient. Until I had TWO kids. And was four times as tired. Now I just hang on to my tongue for dear life. (Okay that doesnt even make sense. See what I mean? TIRED)

  5. May 19, 2010 2:42 pm

    We need to get our sons together for a playdate because then at least we won’t fear that they’re corrupting an innocent. So far Big Boy hasn’t dropped the F-bomb, but I suspect it’s only a matter of time. He is fond of saying “Damn it!” and has been for some time. I blame Husband, of course. 🙂

  6. May 19, 2010 7:00 pm

    Oh this cracked me up! (Been there, lived that.)

    By the time they’re in middle school, you give up (especially if you believe in full use of the language yourself). Fortunately, kids are very trainable when it comes to “okay to say those words at home, but not outside.” Um, most of the time.

    Oh. Always good to teach them some expletives in another language as well. Good for “world peace.”

    🙂

  7. May 19, 2010 9:52 pm

    I know it wasn’t funny at the time but you sure had ME giggling with this post! Oh the tales I could tell!

  8. Dianne permalink
    May 20, 2010 1:02 am

    This has got to be the best blog post I have ever read! By anyone. (and I read lots) I love it on so many levels.
    So honest, so real, so funny.

  9. May 20, 2010 2:57 am

    Nice! We haven’t had a kid drop the f-bomb since 2004, but our 3 year old did look up sweetly at her father last week and say, “Daddy, did you say bitch on that phone?” What could he say?

    Also, love love love your process of elimination!

  10. May 20, 2010 3:53 am

    I miss the F-bomb. I pretty much eliminated it once my four-year-old started talking, but there are occasions that just demand that word, you know? *Sighs.*

  11. May 20, 2010 1:18 pm

    I am completely stunned that neither of my girls has dropped the F-bomb yet. My days are numbered, I fear.

  12. May 20, 2010 3:43 pm

    That’s funny – I just clicked over and I posted one today very similar to this. Kids say the darndest things…and it’s mostly our fault. Sigh…

  13. May 22, 2010 6:59 pm

    Both of my boys learned the f word from me early on. Thankfully, they also forgot it just as quickly. My daughter, on the other hand, just said sh*t not too long ago. Also from me. So I can’t wash anyone’s mouth out with soap until I wash my own. Which, by the way, my mom did to me once when I was a kid.

  14. May 24, 2010 2:33 am

    Ha!! Just teach him to add an “ing” to the end and then you can blame your mom. =>

  15. May 24, 2010 4:29 pm

    This is too funny. My two year old did the same thing and both my husband and I pointed to each other. However, my husband did admit he was more of culprit than me. She is four now and knows not to say those words or the others we sometimes whisper under our breaths. This post took me back to my own battles with my two year old. It will get better – I promise!

  16. May 24, 2010 8:14 pm

    I used to throw the F-bomb around all the time, but I really, really made an effort to eliminate that one from my vocabulary once I had a child. My efforts with “damn it!” have been less successful…

    We’ve finally convinced our son that it’s not okay to say “Damn it” when he gets mad or frustrated, but it seems his Thomas trains have picked up some bad language. He’s started bringing the trains to me and telling me that Thomas needs to go to time out because he said “damn it”. I proceed to give Thomas a talking to about why we don’t use words like “damn it”, and tell my son that even if Thomas says “damn it”, that doesn’t make it okay for him to say it.

    To be honest, I really wish the damn trains would just keep their damn mouths shut.

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